insomnia. again!

i can't sleep. again ..

i am again having one of those sleepless nights. nights like these really frustrate the pimples outta me (no joke - i am now guaranteed a pimple when i wake up!). on such occassions i have to get out of bed because my mind is just too active with irrelevant nonsense. oh, and i just had a not so little midnight snack.

so being the master time waster i am, this will be my third blog entry for today. gee, i have so much to say don't i! hehe no, not really. i have noticed of late that i haven't been on msn as much as i usually am. but that doesn't mean i'm not connected to the internet every single night. i think for the past seven or so years when i first started using the internet, i have since been connecting on a nightly basis whenever i am at home.

the internet. whoa, can you imagine the type of world we'd be living in if the internet was never invented and introduced? erm, probably the same as we were back then lol. but yes, it would be impossible to measure the magnitude of the internet and how it's changed the way we live. it's made a tremendous impact on everyone and everything, hasn't it? from providing businesses with endless opportunities, a new way of communication and networking, the abundance of information available, to the glory of internet shopping! you can find and buy nearly anything anywhere in the world! but not to say, that the internet also has it's many cons. for instance, it has brought many new methods of committing crime and what not .. but i'd rather not discuss it =)

argh, talking about going off on a tangent! actually, the point of me discussing the internet was to bring up my issues on blogging. but not surprisingly, i end up straying off the topic completely. it's a bad habit you know. it's especially inconvenient when i am typing up an essay. considering the word limit and all, i always somehow manage to write up hundreds of words of something that need not be discussed in great lengths. needless to say, i'd have to delete the whole paragraph(s) and start all over again.

and that was another perfect example of me rambling off again! argh, *slaps fingers*. it's because i'm not tired! well, i am little bit now. ok the issue of me blogging. i've been blogging for just about over a year now - whoa, i can't believe how fast it has been! it feels like i wrote my very first entry yesterday .. i still feel like an amateur blogger. ooh, feeling a tad nostalgic .. *wipes away a tear* lol! just kidding.

sometimes i feel like i am hiding under something i can't/don't want to get rid of ..

ever since i started blogging i have really enjoyed it. as i mentioned in my old blog, it's my personal outlet. i can do and say whatever i want, can't i? no, not really. or at least not with the latter. blogs are online journals, and i am supposed to sometimes share my personal thoughts and experiences, am i not?

or in the least, i should feel comfortable enough to expose a more personal part of myself, whether that be in the form of stories, experiences, and my personal thoughts and issues. sometimes i feel the urge to publish something, only to either find myself deleting the entry at a later stage (say, a few minutes after i post it), or simply closing the browser all together (before i publish it).

i find myself dwelling over what other people may think of the meaning i am trying to convey. but you know, for as long as we are all alive, there will always be people out there who will criticize how we are and what we do/say. if there is day, there must be night. if there is hot, there must be cold. if something is right, there must be wrong. and lastly, if there is love, there must be hate. i understand there will always be a few rotten fishes in the sea, and that it is impossible to try to please and not offend anyone. i don't know, i guess i'm just afraid some people may see me in a negative light? it's an uncomfortable thought, not knowing who my readers are, some of which regularly follow me on my journey in what we call 'life'.

i equate sharing a more personal side of me to taking risks. and as far as risks and gambling is concerned, i'm not much of a risk-taker. if anything, i like to operate in safe-mode and once in a while i'll try my luck.

.. but you know what? if i never wanted the possibility of being judged, silently criticized and/or frowned upon, then i should never have started blogging to begin with. hmm, simple as that.

anyways, i think i have sufficiently rambled on enough. sorry to bore you all. this entry was so boring to type that i am actually really tired now .. lol. nah, it's been playing on my mind for a while now .. so it's nice to let it out into the open .. space .. of .. nothingness. i will try to be a bit more open but we'll see how i go. and if i'm not, well at least you know why now =)

goodness, how long is this entry?! *sigh* if i only i could simply copy and paste this entry into my assignment, i could use up a significant portion of the word count! hah, yeah .. and pigs might fly.

take care sweeties,
xox